I'm Still Here
by mangyhalfbreed
Summary: The Battle of the Department of Mysteries is over. Remus and Nymphadora are left to grieve while Moony contemplates over just how much Tonks means to him.


They fell in love. Truly, it's as simple as that. It started with the looks - those certain ones people give each other out of the corner of their eyes, and then with the casual conversation, and then friendly hugs and hand holding, learning each others quirks and preferences..

They've officially been 'together' since just after Christmas. Tonks and old Moony had a bit of a heated snogging session under the Mistle Toe. And it was almost scary how everything just settled into place. They had not announced their relationship. In the midst of Voldemort's return, they found it inconsequential. It was painful to have to hide such an important aspect of their lives. Tonks wanted to shout, 'I love Remus John Lupin!' from the rooftops. The only one who ever caught them doing something out of the ordinary (of course everyone KNEW 'about them'! It's so painfully obvious!) was Sirius. Of course it just _had_ to be him. He, who'd been taunting them for months - asking when they would grace his home with the pitter-patter of 'wolf babies.' Tonks found it amusing. Remus did not.

It was Sirius' birthday. The only party members were Moony, Tonks, and Padfoot himself. After a night of drinking too much, Sirius awoke in the middle of the night to find his best friend and baby cousin all over each other on his kitchen table. He promptly began to chuckle so hard that he cried and nearly wet himself.

They were _mortified._

Remus could only wonder how long it would last. And in the depths of his heart, a horrible guilt was eating away at him. Tonks deserves someone young and whole. What is he?

Too old, too poor, too dangerous. A werewolf. A monster. A pariah.

With Dolores Umbridge raising Hell and making it impossible for half-breeds to earn a decent living, he didn't know what was going to happen. How could he drag Tonks into this - drag her down with him?

But then came the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. And the only thing he could think of was how close he'd come to_ losing _her, and how he had lost..

_"Damn you, Sirius!"_ Tonks cried in despair as she rammed her fist into the wall of her living room. Her hair was a burnt brown - her eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot. Remus leaped to his feet from where he'd been sitting on the sofa and rushed to her, bringing his arms around the girl and holding her still to keep her from doing any more physical harm. Of course they returned to Tonks' flat. How could they ever bring themselves to step foot in Grimmauld again?

They slumped to the floor. And, Remus, a stoic man, could not help his tears. He did not cry out. But for the love of Merlin, he could not _stop these tears._

He was gone.

Padfoot.

His best mate.

His brother.

Sirius, James, Lily.. _gone._

He could barely hold his composure as Nymphadora's sobs rang loud and clear. "Remus, it's all my fault! _My fault!_" She wailed as he held her. "Remus, it should have been _me!"_ Tonks cried into him. Her heart was aching. It was going to burst. Though, Remus had stiffened at her words and he was oddly silent.

"_It should have been me!_ I was such a fool! I should have killed her! B-Bellatrix, I should have FUCKING _KILLED HER!_" Nymphadora roared. "I couldn't do it.. She was stronger.. Oh, Gods, I couldn't.. _Sirius is dead_.. He's dead because of me.. It should have been me.." And she couldn't stop.

Sirius.

Her best mate.

Her cousin.

One of the few who actually thought Tonks could make something of herself.

One who encouraged her morphing abilities instead of treating her like a novelty, a freak.

_"Don't you ever say that again,"_ Remus suddenly snarled, grasping the girl by her shoulders and roughly pulling her back before forcing her to meet his gaze. The Full Moon was in a matter of days. The grief combined with his primal instincts felt nearly too much. And to hear Tonks say that she deserved to die in Sirius' place.. The thought of her dead, he could not handle. Everyone has a breaking point and this was Remus'.

If anything happened to her, he could not live. _He could not live without her._

She quieted some and chocolate hues found blue. Remus' expression softened and Moony relaxed from within him.

"Sirius did what he did because he's brave. He knew what he was signing up for when he joined the Order.. we all did," his throat was so sore. "But this is _not_ the answer, Nymphadora. Sirius loves you! How do you honestly think he'd react if he heard you say such things?" He tried to keep his calm. "He's gone.. He is gone but we are _still here._ _I'm_ still here. And I will never let anything happen to you. Do you understand me?"

Tonks' face was buried into chest within the next moment and she cried. And Remus let her. They cried together. They're alive.

"I love you, Remus. I love you so much," she wept.

"And I love you," Remus responded automatically.

He'd never been so sure of something in his life.


End file.
